Born This Way by Lady Gaga ||
It was 5 in the afternoon. The sky was of a dull gray hue and the breeze was delightfully placid. I was comfortably seated outside Starbucks sipping my usual drink, an iced Grande Caramel Macchiato. I impatiently glanced at my silver watch. “She’s late again”. “
“Hey”, a hoarse but friendly voice hollered at me. I smiled and waved hello. After several minutes, she occupied the seat beside me with a Venti Green Tea Frappe in hand. She was obviously depressed. She only gets a Venti drink whenever she’s upset.
She lit a cigarette. I did the same.
“So, what happened?” was my curious query.
“He’s gone. For good this time,” was her blunt reply.
“Well, maybe it’s not the end,” I murmured. I didn’t want her to give up but I didn’t want to give her false hopes as well.
“I think there’s something wrong with me,” she blurted out. “I’ve been fucking single for almost two years. It sucks to be me right now”.
“Don’t say that,” I retaliated.
She was half listening to what I was saying. “This morning, I looked at myself in the mirror”, she reluctantly shared. “I’m not ugly, I’m not clingy and I’m not a bitch. I have a good career, I’m sweet and thoughtful, and I’m good with moms. Plus I’m damn good in bed!” she added with conviction.
“I understand”, was all I can say. I didn’t know how to comfort her.
“They spend most of their time with me, text me from morning to night, but I’m never the girlfriend. I’m always the girl they’ll never erase in their phonebook, but I’m never the girl they’ll try to forget because of a broken heart,” she said with a tone of defeat in her weary voice.
“I’m not a slut. I don’t throw myself at guys. Believe it or not, I have my limitations. But why am I always second best? Why am I always the fallback?” she asked and then retreated into silence.
"Self-pity and doubt are slowly poisoning my veins” she added. “I know it's not healthy but I can’t help but think this way”
I gathered my thoughts and mustered enough guts to break the silence, “Let me ask you a question. If any of these guys ask you to be their girlfriend, would you say yes?”
“I don’t know”, she hesitantly replied. “But that’s beside the point”.
“That’s the thing. I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship yourself”, I retorted. “Tell me honestly. How many guys have you dated since you became single two years ago? 7? a dozen? or have you lost count already? Have you ever tried asking any of these guys where your relationship is going? Have you ever showed any interest in labeling whatever it is that you have with them?”
“No.” was her one-word response.
“There you go!” I bellowed. “Maybe you manage to involve yourself in vague and undefined relationships because you exude an obscure attitude as well,” I carefully worded.
“My ex-husband once told me that you attract who you are,” I added. “I think he has a point”.
“You attract people who are like you, people who are uncertain about what they want, and people who wallow in the ambiguous. How can you attract guys who are serious, guys who are done playing the field, if you’re not serious yourself?”
“You claim that the guys you’ve dated in the past year are all inconsistent, I totally agree. But you’re not exactly consistent yourself, honey. You complain that these guys are complicated, but have you ever stopped and looked at yourself? You are “complicated” personified. Anyone who thinks otherwise is blind!”
“Don’t expect these guys to give you heaven and earth if the second they turn around, you’re reading someone else’s message. Don’t expect them to exert extra effort if you’re reluctant to give them more than what you can give!”
There was an awkward moment of silence. I think I overdid it this time. I know I hurt her but that’s what she needs right now, a taste of the bitter truth.
Dating is not a simple process. It is a succession of trial and error. But if dating becomes cyclical, then maybe it’s time for change.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result” - Albert Einstein
1 comment: somebody loves me.
I love the Albert Einstein shoutout!
"How many guys have you dated since you became single two years ago? 7? a dozen? or have you lost count already?"
HARSH!!! haha natawa ako dito.
It's funny 'cuz I feel like I'm listening to a medley of memorable songs. I remember bits and pieces of this post sprawled across years of conversations. I think you know what to do. But then again, the simplest choice is never the easiest.
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