It's been a year since I published the first part of my "Confessions" series. Looking back at every adventure and misadventure that I had, I can say that it's been one helluva ride  ||


"For old time's sake", he said.

I was hesitant. I was afraid to awaken a dormant volcano. But my better judgment escaped me. I surrendered to the seemingly inevitable.

My heart was beating fast. Ridiculously fast. And then my senses caught a whiff of the familiar scent. The odor triggered my sensory neurons, activating shattered memories that have been forcefully pushed back to the back of my head.


"Fuck. Is this a good idea?" I asked myself.

Last time I found myself in the same room with him, we had the monumental goodbye roll. I tried to make it what it was: the last hurrah, the consolation prize to a break up. But it wasn't. It was self-inflicted torture. I was on the losing end and saying goodbye that way was like pushing my sanity down an infinite hill.

His lips met mine and the taste of familiarity electrified my being. My heart beat faster and my pulse skyrocketed.

"This is it" I thought to myself. "I chose to be here. I chose to do this. I might as well enjoy the ride.

It was how I remembered it was: passionate and mind-blowing. But it was also sweet and tender.

While I was driving on my way home, I tried to examine how I felt. Sadly I didn't feel anything. Although I know it meant nothing, I desperately wanted to feel something. I wanted to prove to myself that I'm not yet numb. Even for just one night.

I guess when you get hurt, the heart is slow to heal. But when the heart finally forgets, you'll have difficulty remembering what you felt before you got hurt, as if the heart locks itself and throws away the key.

Despite the familiar scent and the familiar taste, It was hard for me to remember how I felt then. I remember the boy, but I don't remember the feeling anymore.

Another night. Another adventure.