Broken by Seether ft. Amy Lee ||
7:25 AM, along Sen. Gil Puyat Avenue.
The pearl-white sedan in front mine slowly halted. I lethargically hit the brakes. I sighed at the thought of having to wait for the red light to turn green. I had a stressful day at work and I couldn't wait to get home.
The pearl-white sedan in front mine slowly halted. I lethargically hit the brakes. I sighed at the thought of having to wait for the red light to turn green. I had a stressful day at work and I couldn't wait to get home.
The busy scene overwhelmed my tired senses. I was a pallid figure amidst the city's vibrant backdrop and I couldn't help but feel detached from reality.
"The worst is over now
and we can breathe again".
and we can breathe again".
Amy Lee's ethereal voice resonated inside the car. As I was listening to the song, my heart skipped a beat and I felt blood rushing to my head. For a nanosecond, the vivid surroundings became hazy and the frenzied motion of people slowed down. Pictures of the bittersweet past played rapidly in my head and a subtle battle between grief and fear slowly groped my soul.
The unexpected surge of emotions uprooted me from the ground. I gave in and just let the tears flow.
I don't remember the last time I allowed myself to be this vulnerable. For the longest time, I have been a roulette ball masked with callousness, gliding freely on fate's eternal wheel. But not today. Today, I couldn't ignore the burning swirl of crimson and ebony inside, ready to explode anytime.
I don't remember the last time I allowed myself to be this vulnerable. For the longest time, I have been a roulette ball masked with callousness, gliding freely on fate's eternal wheel. But not today. Today, I couldn't ignore the burning swirl of crimson and ebony inside, ready to explode anytime.
Very soon, you and I will break loose from the chains that bind us. I know this isn't the way it's supposed to end. Like most people, I was also led to believe that fairy tales and Western love stories could happen in real life. For years, I was in search of that one person who will never let go of my hand as I tread life's path. I thought you were that person.
It's no one's fault though. We did everything to save what we had. It's just that we started our journey with a broken compass in hand and we got lost along the way.
Yes, I am broken because I failed at the single most important relationship in my life. But after everything we've been through, I'm glad that we still managed to punctuate our story with a happy ending. It may not have worked out the way it should have, but what we have right now is way beyond perfect.
You are and you will always be my unconventional hero. Thank you for being my source of strength whenever I become weak. Thank you for being my inspiration whenever I lose hope. Thank you for never leaving my side whenever I falter. And I've faltered many, many times... but you have never given up on me.
Even if you have your own life now, I want you to know that I'm always right behind you. I will always love you no matter what. It’s not romantic or sentimental. It’s not platonic either. It’s love that is seasoned by time, love that has withstood fate’s wrath, and love that will last until the chill of winter comes. It’s the kind of love that gives without expecting, that loves without asking to be loved. It’s not really unconditional. It’s just real.
I'm sorry I messed up. If fate allows our paths to cross in the next life, I'll probably still choose to be with you. Maybe then we'll get it right.
"You can do this", I mumbled. I was psyching myself up while giving myself a mental walk-through.
I scrolled to the bottom of the page and stared at the "save changes" button for several minutes. I felt a tremendous wave of fear. My heart began pounding, my chest hurt, and I was having difficulty breathing.
"Time to face your fears, Apol", I said in a pseudo-schizo moment.
I took a deep breath. My hands were shaking as I hit the save changes button.
But you see, I am not. I'm sorry. I just can't do this.
Apol Suyo - Cano is now "in a relationship"
I didn't change my relationship status on Facebook for the world to know. I did it for myself. It was my first step towards change. Something I think I need at this point in my life.
I already expected how people would react to the status change. Those who really knew me, couldn't believe it. I'm probably the last person they expect to be in a committed relationship.
And they're right. I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend. And it's not because I'm jaded. I'm really not. Being in a committed relationship is just something that I have learned to live without. Of course, I miss being with someone. Those were fun times and I have so many good memories with my exes. But I've fully embraced the single lifestyle and I think it's perfect for someone like me.
There are so many reasons why I'd rather be single than be someone's girlfriend.
I already expected how people would react to the status change. Those who really knew me, couldn't believe it. I'm probably the last person they expect to be in a committed relationship.
And they're right. I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend. And it's not because I'm jaded. I'm really not. Being in a committed relationship is just something that I have learned to live without. Of course, I miss being with someone. Those were fun times and I have so many good memories with my exes. But I've fully embraced the single lifestyle and I think it's perfect for someone like me.
There are so many reasons why I'd rather be single than be someone's girlfriend.
- Being someone's girlfriend means having to abide by unwritten relationship mandates. When you're single, you have the freedom to choose and the opportunity to be spontaneous. You do things because you want to, not because you "have" to. You refrain from doing things because you've chosen not to, not because somebody is keeping you on a leash.
- Being someone's girlfriend means making your world smaller. When you're single, you can go out and date as much as your heart desires. You can flirt with anyone who catches your eye without feeling guilty afterwards. You can be intimate with others without having to lie about it and, therefore, sin less.
- Being someone's girlfriend means added obligations and responsibilities. You are obliged to make time, to communicate constantly, and to be your partner's best friend, psychiatrist, counselor, and lover. When you're single, you don't have to worry about giving a blow-by-blow account of where you are, who you're with, and what you're doing. You don't have the burden of being another person's source of strength, inspiration, and happiness. The only person you are obligated to is yourself.
- Being someone's girlfriend means heightened expectations. You are expected to love your partner the same way he loves you. You are expected to understand, to accept, and to forgive. When you're single, there are no expectations. No expectations, no disappointments.
- Being someone's girlfriend means less time for everyone and everything else.When you're single you get to spend a lot of time with your family and friends. You can be with them whenever you want and no one will complain. You can focus on your career without being sidetracked. No one will kick up a fuss when you have to work on weekends or when you have to work overtime.
- Being someone's girlfriend means less time for yourself. When you're single, you can have all the alone time that you need. You can go where you want to go, when you want to go there. You can spend all day doing things you want to do. You can spend endless hours glued to the internet or watch television with the remote all to yourself.
- Being someone's girlfriend means falling in love. When you fall in love, sometimes you end up being hurt. and sometimes, you lose yourself in the process. When you're single, you don't have to worry about dumping anybody or getting dumped. You don't have to worry about finding yourself after a serious heartbreak.
But you see, I am not. I'm sorry. I just can't do this.
My first GCMA post was a big hit. It was a list of GCMA's most popular expressions. In a Facebook thread, D said he'll be watching out for my next GCMA post. So in memory of Papa D, I decided to come up with his own top 10 list.
These are the things I will always remember about D:
10. The Face Contortionist
He would always gnarl, twist, warp, wrench, and distort his face. Look at his pictures.
9. The Neat Freak
For a straight guy, D was surprisingly neat and organized. He wanted everything in place and in order all the time.
I think D is short for Dora. He had everything inside his magical backpack: a sewing kit, pins, a tube of adhesive glue, utensils, a nail cutter, a Swiss knife, a pack of wet wipes, etc. I wonder if he had a map too.
7. Touchstone
Touchstone was "conceived" because of D. Enough said.
He was an affectionate person and he never hesitated to express what he felt. Out of the blue, he would say "I miss you", and it was always heartfelt. He never failed to make us smile with a compliment or two. He always had something good to say about everybody and I'm sure that is something we will all miss.
5. Two things that will make you happy
D did not just equip his trainees with the skills needed to survive life on the operations floor, he also prepared them for the real world. His trainees were fortunate to have learned some of life's most important lessons from him.
And by the way, those two things (according to D) are security and consistency.
4. Respect is earned, never mandated
This was D's favorite adage. He taught our team many things about respect.
3. Chinigger!
Chinigger. Chinitong negro. Yup, that's Derick alright! Kidding aside, D was very proud to be Pinoy.
" My tattoos are a strong declaration of my Pinoy Pride. I am brown and I am proud of it!"
2. D the Baptist
Sometimes, we christen trainees and give them playful names in GCMA. If your trainer called you Magdalena, Choleng, Sibulburo, or Mamerta, you have D to blame. He came up with all those catchy pet names.
1. The Ultimate Nanette
For those who do not know, this seemingly immortal GCMA expression came from Dee. Yes, he "nanetted" the word "nanette".
Damn.
If all nerds were like Cameron Mitchell, I would gladly drop my bad boy fetish and start looking for a geek who could rock my world with nothing but wits and a cool sense of individuality. After all, smart is the new sexy.
5 things I love about Cameron Mitchell:
- He has an incredible voice
When I heard him sing his part for the group's first homework assignment, Signed Sealed Delivered, I immediately fell in love with his voice. He has a smooth, mesmerizing voice and his style has a bluesy slash soft rock feel to it. Cameron is John Mayer meets Dave Matthews.
- He's a natural artist
The dude sings, plays the guitar, and writes his own songs. When he auditioned for the Glee Project, he sang his original song, Love Can Wait. Glee's casting director, Robert Ulrich, said "Cameron is unique and there is no one like him on Glee. He is a true talent".
- He embraces his uniqueness
He's not afraid to show the world who he is and he doesn't put on a show to please everyone. In an interview, he said that he's the biggest nerd and that he wants to be a nerd for the rest of his life.
- He's freakishly confident
He's comfortable with who he is and he's not afraid to look like a fool. When they were learning the choreography for the music video, We're Not Gonna Take It, he was prancing around, doing crazy dance moves. Zach Woodlee, Glee's Choreographer, said "You look extremely cool, which is what's crazy".
- He's hot
Fun fact: Cameron is Demi Lovato's first boyfriend.
I heart Becky Nights!
For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, just visit the iTunes Store, type Becky Nights into the search box, enter and voila!
I've always been an honorary member of the fabulous gay community so I really enjoy listening to this humorous slash entertaining slash "educational" podcast. It is hosted by Jake Galvez, Matt Gozun and Buern Rodriguez, all of whom hail from the fashion and beauty world.
I usually listen to their show on my way home from work. The hilarious exchanges and the amusing battle of wit make me forget about the heavy traffic jam along the streets of Makati and Pasig.
The trio's gabfest starts with a brief overview of the latest news. They then proceed to the main topic, which revolves around sex, relationships, and boys. Towards the end, they interview guests and take calls from listeners, most of whom are not prepared to answer their infamous question: how big is your *toot*?
Go and listen to all their episodes! I'm sure you'll love the awesome threesome and their priceless show made for all the beckies and beckies at heart, like me.
* Follow them on Facebook and on Twitter.
